


A Knight in Shining Flannel

by Elpie (Horribibble)



Series: Excuse Me, I Believe You Have My Children [1]
Category: Teen Wolf (TV)
Genre: Alternate Universe - Modern Setting, Awkward Flirting, Baby Werewolves, Flustered Derek, M/M, Magical Stiles Stilinski, Single Parent Derek, Single Parent Stiles, Single Parents, Stiles Stilinski Doesn't Know About Werewolves
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-07-22
Updated: 2014-07-22
Packaged: 2018-02-09 21:50:28
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,650
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1999170
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Horribibble/pseuds/Elpie
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>When a frantic phone call from his daughter sends him speeding across town, Derek Hale is prepared for the worst. </p><p>What he finds instead are the Stilinskis.</p><p> </p><p>-</p><p>An AU featuring tiny werewolves, awkward single dads, and one bad babysitter.</p>
            </blockquote>





	A Knight in Shining Flannel

**Author's Note:**

  * For [fairyotto](https://archiveofourown.org/users/fairyotto/gifts).



> Happy birthday to [Val](http://justasimplenerdygirl.tumblr.com/), who finally prompted me for "kidnappy dad!Stiles". I kind of hijacked it and ran really fast. 
> 
> Here's the first installment in the series, with the second hot on its heels.  
> I hope this pleases you, darling! Enjoy your cavities. 
> 
> Thanks also to [Alena](http://besieged-infection.tumblr.com/) for editing the thing, and sticking with me while I wrote the thing. And to Ivy for being hella adorable. 
> 
> The hippie names are partly her fault. 
> 
> And, once again, to all of the people on the Sterek Campaign Chatzy.
> 
> Edit: Thanks, HopelessRomantic15! Apparently I forgot to add the age chart. 
> 
> Oliver Stilinski is 7.  
> Tobias Stilinski is 5.  
> Rain Hale is 7.  
> Sky Hale is 7.  
> River Hale is 4.

            To be honest, Stiles doesn't have the disposable income to be grocery shopping at the shiny new Whole Foods in town, but it can't hurt to pick up a few healthy staples, especially with two energetic boys shooting up like weeds as he looks on helplessly.

 

            There are horror stories all over the internet about Red Dye 4-4000 and every artificial sugar ever advertised in a packet. It makes him feel a little bit better to peruse the shelves packed with alternative healthy options.

 

            “Dad.” Ollie pats at his hip. “Dad, can we get this?”

 

            “Whatcha got, midget?”

 

            “It’s cereal.”

 

            “Hold on, lemme -- wow, that’s bright. Annie’s Fruity Bunnies? That’s… kinda grim. Are you sure you wanna eat this?” Ollie bobs his head enthusiastically, and Stiles grins down at him. “How do you sleep at night, man?”

 

            “Like a baby.”

 

            “All right, I’ll bite. This is the thing you want?”

 

            Another bob of the head. “Oh, could we maybe get some bananas?”

 

            “You want me to cut ‘em in your cereal?”

 

            “I can do it myself!”

 

            “Pfft. What do you even keep me around for?”

 

            “I can’t drive.”

 

            “Wow!” Stiles makes a show of stumbling forward, clutching at his chest. “That one hurt. Do you wanna go grab ‘em for me?”

 

            Ollie doesn't need to be told twice. He's off like a shot around the end of the aisle, booking it towards the produce section as Stiles rolls his eyes at the other boy hanging off the end of the cart.  “ _You_ still need me. Right, Toby?”

 

            “You tie my shoes really good, Daddy.”

 

            “That’s reassuring.” Stiles adores the wobbly, gap-toothed grin his younger son shoots his way, basking in domestic bliss for a few seconds before shaking it off. “C’mon, we gotta find Red Chief and get checked out.”

 

            He rolls the cart around the corner, but pulls up short when he sees his kid several aisles down, staring at something in another aisle. That can't be good. “Ollie?” he calls, picking up the pace. “Oll?”

 

            He figures out what’s going on pretty quickly once he comes within earshot, feels his teeth grind together as Oliver grabs his sleeve and tugs urgently, wide-eyed and frightened. Toby jumps off the end of the cart and clings to Stiles’ other leg. They’re young, but they know that what they’re seeing is not okay. He’s given them the talk about dealing with bullies.

 

            In the middle of the snack aisle, a brunette woman has grabbed a little girl’s arm tight enough to bruise, and is shaking her periodically as she barks in her face. The girl’s eyes are screwed shut and her shoulders are hunched. Two older boys are standing behind her, looking completely lost.

 

            “You’re so damn spoiled! Do you act like this with your dad, too?!”

 

            “He lets me…”

 

            “Oh, bull! He just lets you dump things in the cart whenever you want?”

 

            One of the boys steps forward, chin held up stubbornly. “He does! River always gets honey granola. It’s her favorite. And he lets us help pick the cereal, and --”

 

            “And, and, and!” the woman mimics, lifting her free hand to shove the boy straight in the chest, “Ugh, do you ever shut up?”

 

            If someone treated his kids this way, there’d be an ass-kicking, if not a thorough chewing out. Unfortunately, it’s pretty obvious that this woman -- he’s assuming babysitter -- is the closest thing they’ve got right now, and their father probably doesn’t know this has been going on.

 

            These kids look like they’re _used_ to this, and that’s honestly horrifying.

 

            That’s what moves him forward. With measured steps, he approaches the woman and bends a bit at the waist to tap her shoulder. “Excuse me?” He smiles politely and waits for her to stand before continuing, “Thanks. I was just wondering, what the _hell_ do you think you’re doing to these kids? Other than traumatizing them, because let’s be real here; there’s no way you could have missed _that_.”

 

            The woman sneers at him -- actually _sneers_ , like Disney villain nose scrunching, eye narrowing _sneers --_ and demands, “Who died and made you the kiddie police?”

 

            “Nobody. But the last sheriff retired and made my dad the regular police, so if you really want to talk semantics, I’m sure I could give him a call and have him tell you all about harassment.”

 

            She blanches at the mention of law enforcement, and it’s pretty much all downhill from there. He lectures her for at least five minutes, and there are people with their phones out _recording this_ when she tries to leave, her hand still wrapped tightly around the little girl’s arm.

 

            “Sorry, lady. That’s not gonna happen.” Stiles reaches out to pry the woman’s fingers from the reddened skin, and the girl immediately runs behind her brothers. The boys look completely thunderstruck for a moment before puffing up, doing their best to look strong and threatening.

 

            Stiles feels a niggling sense of pride for them, but he can’t really explain why.

 

            “Are you fucking serious?”

 

            “No. I’m joking. You’re being Punk’d.” Stiles drawls. “Yes, I’m serious. You’re not taking these kids anywhere after that show.”

 

            Before Stiles can process what’s happening, Ollie darts over and kicks the woman in the shin hard, blowing a raspberry before running back behind him. His child is a little shit, but that is _definitely_ pride this time.

 

            The woman swears loudly, motioning as if to lunge after him before throwing up her hands in frustration. “Fine, you want them so bad? You deal with them!” Just like that, she abandons the cart and the kids and storms out of the store.

 

            “Je-sus,” Stiles huffs. “Someone needs to call Care.com, because that’s just not copacetic.”

 

            “What’s a cuppasetic?” The boy who’d stayed quiet blinked up at him, and Stiles was suddenly struck with the realization that he’d technically just stranded three children under the age of ten.

 

            “It means that everything’s good. What she did to you guys wasn’t good.”

 

            “Duh,” the first boy mutters, and Stiles crouches so he can meet them at eye-level.

 

            “She was really mean, huh?”

 

            “Only on days that end with ‘y.’”

 

            The second boy nudges the first. “Rain, be nice.”

 

            “Rain? Is that your name?”

 

            “Yeah, so?”

 

            “I’m Stiles.”

 

            “That’s a dumb name.” Stiles resists the urge to smack his own forehead. The kid is only being defensive because he and his siblings just narrowly escaped the babysitter from hell.

 

            “You think that’s dumb? Stiles is a nickname.”

 

            “...So what’s your _real_ name?”

 

            “Nope. Not telling you. You’ll make fun of me.”

           

            “ _I_ wouldn’t!” the other one yells, then squirms in place and adds more quietly, “I’m Sky. And that’s River.” He points at his sister, who’s leaning around him like Stiles is the most interesting alien species she’s ever seen.

 

            “Wow.” Stiles grins. “You guys have such cool names. I’m jealous.”

 

            Rain scrunches up his nose, clearly frustrated that he doesn’t get to know just how gruesomely awful his real name is. Stiles decides it can’t hurt to let him twist in the wind for a while.

 

            “Do you guys have someone I can call to come get you?”

 

            River nods eagerly, stumbling forward and rubbing at the tear stains on her cheeks. “Daddy,” she says, holding her hands out for the phone. Stiles draws it from his back pocket and shows her how his crappy old model works.

 

            “Just...yeah. There you go.”

 

            He stays crouched down, watching with a soft smile as Rain and Sky engage in the world’s least threatening stare-off with Ollie and Toby. Toby lasts about five seconds before dissolving into giggles.

 

            Stiles can hear the phone ringing softly where it’s pressed against River’s ear, and he watches the girl light up when her father picks up the phone.

 

_That’s better._

 

\-----

 

            To say that Derek is surprised to receive a call from an unknown number and hear his _daughter_ at the end of the line is an understatement. His first reaction is a mild, sinking panic, which only worsens when he realizes that she’s _crying._

 

            “River? Riv? Are you okay?”

 

            _“N- **no!** ” _She sniffles, and Derek’s heart stutters in his chest. He can’t let himself panic. He can hear sounds in the background, the mottled squeak of shopping cart wheels and another child giggling. She has to be somewhere in public. There might be a police officer around. Does she remember to look for people in uniform?

 

            “River, baby, I need you to look around. Is there an adult you can go to for help?”

 

            Her sniffling lightens for a moment, as if she’s paused panicking to process what he’s asked, “Uh…” she mumbles. “Yeah.”

 

            “Is that how you’re calling me?”

 

            “Uh huh.”

 

            “Can you tell me what happened?”

 

            That’s about when she starts sobbing and sputtering. Derek feels like the most useless person in the world. His child is off somewhere having a complete breakdown for goodness knows what reason, and he isn't with her. He isn't with any of them. He’s too busy working to finish this deal, and he’s left them with the babysitter for too long. They could be hurt so easily, and the only way he’d find out was through a panicked phone call like this one.

 

            He hears a man at the other end of the line cooing, “It’s okay. Don’t cry, hon. It’ll be okay. Tell your Daddy you’re all right, sweetie. You’re gonna freak him out. Do you need to blow your nose now?”

 

            “Uh huh.”

 

            Derek hears the tell-tale honking sound. It almost makes him laugh, but his stomach feels too sour right now.

 

            Again in the background, “You want me to tell your Daddy what happened?”

 

            “Uh huh.”

 

            There’s the creak and pop of plastic and skin shifting as River hands over the phone to whatever adult she found, and Derek’s anxiety picks up again. He knows _she’s_ all right, but what about the boys?

 

            “Hey, I’m sorry. This is Stiles Stilinski. You don’t know me, but here I am, sticking my nose in. Look, I think you’re going to want to find a new babysitter. I was grocery shopping with my kids and we saw this woman swearing up a storm and grabbing at your little girl.”

 

            Derek can hear Sky growling, “She shoved Rain, Daddy!” He didn’t think he could feel any worse about the situation, but yep. There it is. His stomach. On the floor. He’s assumed that everything has been going well with Jennifer, and that no news had been good news.

 

            He is an idiot.

 

            Derek doesn’t waste a moment questioning who this guy is or why he’s helping them. He asks, “Which grocery store are you at? I’m on my way right now.”

 

            “R-right now?” He hears a scrabbling noise. “No, sweetheart. It’s okay. Guys, can you take care of her for a sec? I’m sorry, she’s freaked out. That’s probably a good idea. Here, shh shh. We’re at the Whole Foods on Martin and Mill.”

 

            “You’ve got River. Are the boys okay?”

 

            “Yeah, they’re good. They’ve got her.”

 

            “I’ll be there in fifteen.”

 

            “Hey.”

 

            “What?”

 

            “Don’t speed. Your kids are safe. We’ll be waiting on the curb. Hey, guys. Your dad’s on the way. You wanna tell him anything?”

 

            There’s a sound like fabric pulling, and he hears Rain say, “Drive safe, dad!”

 

            Fat chance. He’ll make it there in ten.

 

           

\-----

 

            Stiles pats at River’s shoulder when she hands back the phone, “You did a good job. Let’s put all this stuff in my cart and get checked out.” He isn’t precisely sure how he’s going to afford all of this. He can almost hear his budget sobbing in the distance, but he supposes he’ll make up for it later.

 

            “You wanna get your granola, River?”

 

            She looks at him with _awe,_ and he feels his heart break a little. She goes to push the container up and into the basket while her brothers brace her against the cart.

 

            “Dad! Dad! Daaaaddy!” Toby pokes Stiles in the thigh.

 

            “Yes, yes, yeeeeees?” He answers.

 

            Toby perks up at his attention. “The ice cream’s gonna melt.”

 

            “All right, cool. Plastic spoons. That’s a thing. Let’s go, midgets. To the checkout!”

 

\-----

 

            Derek rolls into the Whole Foods parking lot to find a small mob of children and a man in the brightest flannel he’s ever seen sitting along the curb, passing around a tub of rainbow sherbet. Their mouths and fingers are sticky, and Stiles -- it must be Stiles -- is crouch-walking from kid to kid with a packet of wet wipes. He cleans them off with careful attention, smiling brightly and offering high fives, and Derek wonders where the hell _this guy_ was when he was looking for people to trust with his children.

 

            He parks the car, slams the door, and jogs toward the storefront, feeling the tension in his shoulders dissipate as he hears River lilt, “I _spy_ with my little _eye_ somethiiiiing -- Daddy!”

 

            “Huh?” Stiles blinks at her, “What color is a -- oh! _Oh!_ ”

 

            He stands up, crumpling the wipes in his hands and dabbing at the residual stickiness on his digits before offering to shake. Derek answers his grip quickly before swooping down to embrace his children.

 

            He doesn’t even _pretend_ to be discreet when he scents them, just does his best to smash his face into their little throats and cuddle them into being all right. Sky delights in it, but Rain and River push at his face, laughing and squealing over his scratchy cheeks.

 

            Stiles stands there waiting patiently until he comes up for air, glancing over with an armful of children. He’s not planning on letting go unless he has to. Apparently the other man gets it, because Stiles settles himself on the sidewalk next to them, his two boys crowding in to look at the huddled Hales with a mixture of concern and apprehension.

 

            Toby looks at River and bites his lip. “Is she gonna cry again?”

 

            River shakes her head, pouting stubbornly, “I didn’t cry!”

 

            “Okay,” Toby backpedals, and River actually looks guilty.

 

            “Okay maybe I cried a little, but not as much as last time.”

 

            “Last time?” Derek frowns down at his daughter, “How long has this been going on?”

 

            Rain tries to do the math on his fingers, but gives up after a few moments. “How long did we have Miss Jennifer?”

 

            “Three months.”

 

            “Kay.” Rain nods. “That many.”

 

            “That -- _three months?_ ” Derek looks up at Stiles like he has some sort of answer. He can’t have left his children in such a harmful situation. He should have _noticed_. Stiles shrugs his shoulders slightly, his face almost apologetic. Derek realizes with a sick curdling in his gut that he _should_ have noticed, but he _didn’t._ “How bad was it?”

 

            “On a scale of one to scarred for life?” Stiles jokes, only to wince. “It wasn’t pretty. She was yelling at them, calling them entitled and stuff. It wasn’t… I couldn’t define exactly why it was wrong, but it was wrong. She was shoving Rain and grabbing at River pretty hard. I just… if someone did that to my kids I’d break their nose.”

 

            “Yeah. I can understand that.” Derek didn’t see it happening to his kids -- he didn’t have any idea it was going on -- but he was still inclined to break Jennifer's nose. River reached over to pat his chest and presented her arm for a better view.

 

            “It’s okay, Daddy. See? It’s better already.”

 

            “Wow!” Stiles grins at her. “It must not have been as bad as I thought. That’s good. I could swear it was gonna leave a nasty bruise when she yanked her like that.”

 

            Derek stares at the unmarked flesh where his daughter’s natural healing had prevented an undoubtedly nasty mark from forming. Forget breaking her nose, he wants to reach inside and _feel_ Jennifer’s guts winding around his fingers.

 

            “Psst! Daddy!” Sky pats both cheeks, blinking at him pointedly. “Peepers creepers!”

 

            “Peepers creepers.” Derek mumbles back, burying his face in Sky’s shoulder again. “I love you a lot.”  


            “Duh,” Rain huffs. “It’s okay, though. Mr. S was really nice. He got River’s granola and everything, even though -- uh…” His head dips to the left, rubbing at his left shoulder. His eyes wander anywhere but near his father and his right foot scuffs at the pavement, toe-heel-toe-kick.

 

            Derek narrows his eyes; it’s the pose he always takes when he’s done something rude. “You want to tell me what it is? Honest to goodness?”

 

            Rain mumbles something incoherent even to _Derek’s_ ears.

 

            “Come again?”

 

            “I said his name was stupid.”

 

            “Is his name Stupid?”

 

            “No.”

 

            “Is _your_ name Stupid?”

 

            “No.”

 

            “So apologize.”

 

            Rain shuffles the few paces over to where Stiles is trying hard not to laugh with his kids draped over his shoulders. “Hi there.”

 

            “Hi.”

 

            “You wanna tell me something?”

 

            “You don’t have to look so smug about it.”

 

            “Rain!”

 

            “I’msorryIsaidyournameisstupid.”

 

            “ _Raaaain._ ”

 

            “You want me to say it in Spanish? Lo siento. No quise decir eso.”

 

            “Aww,” Stiles coos. “I have no idea what that means.”

 

            Derek rolls his eyes. “He says he didn’t mean it.”

 

            “That’s cool. He was pretty upset, and I’m a stranger. It’s a defense mechanism. I get that.”

 

            Rain squints at him.

 

            “It means you were only mean because you were looking out for your siblings.”

 

            “Why didn’t you just say that?” Rain frowns at him.

 

            “Triple letter score,” Ollie explains. “He looks up words so he can beat Aunt Lydia at Scrabble.”

 

            “Best two out of three,” Toby adds helpfully.

 

            “Yep. There went my self-confidence. You guys are on a roll today.” Stiles shakes his head and looks back at Derek, probably expecting some sort of sympathy.

 

            Derek is too busy smiling thoughtfully. “So what I’m understanding is that you stood up for my kids, bought my groceries, and kept them safe and occupied until I could get to them.”

 

            “You make it sound so difficult. They’re good kids. Seriously. They were just stuck in a bad situation.” He pauses as Derek’s expression begins to close off. “But their dad is here now to fix it. Look, if you want I could… well, I can’t. I mean I have a good babysitter...”

 

            “That’s all right. I think it’s about time I stepped back a little at work. It’s pretty clear that I need to keep a closer eye on my kids.”

 

            “I think they’ll like that.” Stiles grins. “Sky was just telling us how good you are at helicopter.”

 

            “It’s because you’re so tall!”

 

            Derek laughs.

 

            “Anyway, we’ve gotta jet soon. I just wanted to make sure everyone got home safe and sound. You wanna help me get all the bags in your trunk?”

 

            “Yeah. That’d be great. I just… thanks. I owe you. A lot, actually. This place is expensive.”

 

            “No kidding. I mean -- not about the money. I’m not broke or anything. Not _totally_ broke. Mostly broke? We sort of live with my dad? But it’s no big deal, I mean -- well, it is a big deal. That is, I am unable to shut my mouth please for the love of all that’s holy let it end.”

 

            All of the Hales look at him like he’s a new and puzzling exhibit at the zoo as he grabs the bag-filled cart and wheels it towards Derek’s parking space. He shouldn’t be allowed near attractive people. Ever. The reaction was delayed this time, but once again, his ability to hold a conversation has failed him _fantastically._    

 

            Once the kids are all settled in the backseat and the groceries are loaded, Derek drags him into a friendly, clasping handshake and looks him dead in the eye. “I’m going to pay you back for this, I promise. I’m so sorry you had to step in like that. I just… _thank you_ for taking care of my kids when I couldn’t. If there’s anything you need, give me a call.”

 

            Stiles can think of five things Derek could do for him off the top of his head, very few of them involving clothes, and he feels awful for going there.

 

            “Sure thing. It wasn’t a problem or anything. I love kids. Your kids, I mean. I like them. They’re cool.”

 

            “Yours aren’t so bad either.”

 

            “Holy crap. I never even told you their names. This is Oliver and Tobias. Guys, say hi.”

 

            Toby parrots the greeting obediently while Ollie laughs at his father’s epic social failure. It’s a miracle his kids are so well-adjusted. Some days he wonders how he managed to reproduce.

 

            “Okay, so this is how it’s gonna go. We swap business cards, I promise to call if there’s anything you can do for me. Which is highly unlikely because why would I need a… lawyer?”

 

            “Close enough.” Derek nods.

 

            “Cool. You’re going to pretend that I’m not a mutant, and we’ll all go home and do family bonding. Sound like a plan?”

 

            Derek is quiet for a few moments, looking Stiles over with an odd little smile on his lips. He’s not entirely sure that Stiles is real, or if he understands just how good a person he has proven himself in roughly ten to fifteen minutes of acquaintance. He eventually indulges the urge to chuckle and hand over the business card. “I’ll see you around, Stiles. I really hope I will.”

 

            “Maybe with a bag over my head.”

 

            “Now that would be a shame.”

 

            Derek pats his shoulder before climbing into the driver’s seat and shutting the door behind him. As he drives off, Stiles is left blinking after him with a bewildered sort of appreciation.

 

            He rests his elbow against the handle of the cart, smiling down at his kids. “What do you think, guys?”

 

            Toby hugs his leg, smushing his face into the denim in a tell-tale display of exhaustion. Ollie scrunches his nose. “You’re really bad at flirting.”

**Author's Note:**

> The next installment is very nearly done. 
> 
> We're talking a few paragraphs. Look forward to it. 
> 
> Also, an additional thanks to everyone that swore violently as soon as the Jennifer scene came up. You're all excellent. x3
> 
> Come visit me on [tumblr.](http://anabundanceofstilinskis.tumblr.com/)


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